Discipline

I am not a disciplined person by nature. It takes a long time to break bad habits and form good ones. Unfortunately, it's the bad habits that are almost second nature and take no time at all to form!

Last year was a bad writing year. It's over, done, and I'm trying to improve upon it. Honestly, the only way is forward because backward means not writing at all ever again. Still, I'm spinning my wheels. When I write, the internal editor whispers that I'll probably have to edit out a lot of scenes; the whole book can't be about Marissa. In the grand scheme, Marcus and Marissa are a little tiny piece, and that makes it harder because I have to more concise. I don't do concise very well, either. It's discouraging to think about spending time on something that will hit the cutting room floor. Occasionally I'll find an old scene that can be refurbished for use in another story. That's always good, and that's why I don't toss the deleted scenes.

The trouble is I really just want this book to be done, and I feel like I'm dithering. That makes it harder to go upstairs and turn on the laptop. The internal dialogue goes something like this:

Id: I don't feel like writing. The book isn't moving forward and it's cold up there.

Super Ego (SE): So turn on the heater and and put scenes in order. Then you might be able to see how much more you need on Marissa.

Id: But it's all going to change. That's what I did wrong with The Dragon's Lady. I put it together too soon and it took three times longer to edit than to write.

SE: It was also the first book, had three authors, and needed to be tweaked. You never write a perfect story the first go-round.

Id: But-

SE: Get over it already, would you? Go upstairs and get to work. The book isn't going to finish itself. You're going to have to edit anyway, so go get working.

That's usually when I drag myself up the stairs, muttering. It's all true. It's hard, it's discouraging, and it is cold upstairs, but the book isn't going to finish itself. So I'm off to turn on the laptop and the heater so I can get my work done. Then I'll come back down and sit by the fire and read my book. Damn Super Ego.