Courtesy of I Can Has Cheeseburger

Now for something completely different

I'm sure you're all tired of my whining, so here's something new for you to ponder. A local news station has been covering a story about a county an hour or so from here that banned an herbal substance that gives a marijuana-like effect when smoked, but it's legal and safe. The ban specified compounds found in a specific brand that are also in marijuana. A bait and tackle shop changed to a similar product (which, according to the supplier does not contain the banned compounds) and may have some trouble on their hands.

According to the shop's spokesperson, "Every item in this is perfectly natural, all natural herbs. They're Japanese and Asian herbs that are combined together- that gives you your body relaxation."

Uh huh. I have some questions.

1. Don't people fish to relax? Why would you buy a pot substitute in a bait and tackle shop if you want to relax? Why not buy bait?

2. Are Japanese herbs not Asian?

3. Isn't pot also a natural herb? I mean, really, if it's grown inside with grow lights, one could even make the assertion that it's ORGANIC! (Not that I know anything about growing pot. I saw it on CSI. Or maybe it was Law And Order.)

Also let me point out that "organic," "natural," and "herbal" do not necessarily mean "safe." I think I've mentioned here that hemlock is natural and herbal. So is Foxglove (from which we got digitalis for heart conditions).

The owner of the shop believes that these products are safe. Maybe they are, maybe not. I'm not a doctor or a lawyer so I can't speak to the safety or legality of these products. I'm just of the opinion that if you're dumb enough to smoke something because it's a legal pot alternative, you deserve to face the consequences. I don't smoke things, and relaxation has never been a problem. Isn't there something to be said for natural selection?

Rounding the corner. I think.

Eric will most certainly disagree. It was a rough weekend. I was drinking tea like crazy, trying to get my brain to kick in, and it wouldn't. Small tasks were too much for me to manage. Even breaking them into tiny pieces was more than I could handle. At one point, I'd just made a sandwich and Eric brushed cat hair off my sweater, not realizing that it was landing on my food. I almost cried.

Oddly, the hardship made me want a cup of coffee less. The fact that it's been increasingly difficult to function without a large hit of caffeine makes me realize how badly I need to get off of it. The trouble was that I was getting a little desperate to just have the process done. Finally I forced myself to sit down and think through it objectively. I was drinking a lot of tea, but probably not enough water. I was slacking on taking my vitamins, and trying to use sugar as a stimulant rather than snacking on protein and complex carbs. These are simple adjustments, and they have helped. I did, however, find one temporary secret weapon. Half a can of Diet Coke restored brain function quickly and for an extended period of time. It's a crutch, I know, and it's definitely temporary. Tea has health benefits; Diet Coke has no nutritional value whatsoever. It is nice to know, though, that when I really need to focus on something intense (like the Genesis submission due this week) that I have something cheap and readily available to help me do that.

The reason I think I'm rounding the corner is that yesterday I had to take Alex back to school. That amounts to seven hours in the car, round trip, if traffic cooperates. I had my usual pot of tea (2 1/2 cups) in the morning, and took the other half of my Diet Coke from Saturday with me. That's all the caffeine I had until Eric and I went to dinner a little after 7 p.m., where I had one glass of iced tea. The key seems to be to stay busy so I don't think about it, don't over-analyze a little throb in my head (withdrawal or allergies?), don't stop to stare into space.

Eric asked me this morning to please go drink some coffee already. It's been 24 days. Maybe I'll wait until day 42. 42 is the answer to everything, right? If I'm not better by day 42, I'll drink a cup of coffee. (That's April 9th, honey.)