If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always had.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Spring and fall are my favorite seasons, which is strange because they're the ones in which my allergies are the worst. They've gotten better the longer we've lived here; it takes me years to get used to local pollen. The hardest part is how they affect my sleep. If I forget to take my meds for a couple days I toss and turn, and it always takes several days to get caught back up on the sleep I missed.

I'm in that cycle now. I only slept about half the night a couple of nights ago and now I'm in recovery mode. I've come to expect the loss of energy. I'm used to having to force myself off the couch to take care of basic household chores. The worst part is the mental blankness, almost as if my brain is in constant reboot mode. I have to fight to focus on things, especially things I don't much like to do. It's like being dropped in the middle of nowhere, and the only way back to civilization is to pick a direction and start walking. I know I'll get there eventually, and I'll get there faster if I eat well and go to bed a little earlier for a few days. Knowing and doing are sometimes different things.

I read an ancient Chinese proverb while I was studying a week or so ago. I can't give you actual wording without dragging my lazy butt upstairs, figuring out which of two books it was in, and finding the page. The gist of it was that the patient will remain sick until he's tired of being sick. That's about where I am these days.

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